Symptoms of Squid Panic
- You hear wet applause where no hands are present.
- Maps develop extra coastlines.
- Your favorite shirt suddenly needs a warning printed on it.
Survival Checklist
- Stay dry-ish.
- Never trust a calm harbor.
- Keep one emergency sticker pack near the exit.
Squid Fact / Squid Lie
Fact: Squid are excellent at dramatic entrances. Lie: The squid has forgiven us.
How to Identify a Verified Squid Warning
- The tide is moving the wrong way.
- A map updates itself while damp.
- Bloop appears without an appointment.
- Your radio receives a signal from below sea level and above the moon.
- Admiral Inkbeard removes his hat.
- Squidston says, “I found something,” and immediately looks worse.
- Captain Blotbeard loads the cannon before anyone explains why.
- Astrocalamari says, “That signal is not local.”
If three or more signs occur at once, notify the Oceanic Anomalies Division and buy a shirt while there is still time.
Wrong Tide protocol
How to Detect the Wrong Tide
If three or more signs appear, notify the Oceanic Anomalies Division and stand away from all puddles.
- The ocean goes silent.
- A tide moves inland.
- A map loses a coastline.
- A lighthouse points away from the sea.
- Bloop appears and refuses to blink.
- Squidston finds a blank page where a disaster should be.
- Captain Blotbeard loads the cannon without making a joke.
- Astrocalamari hears a click in orbit.
- Admiral Inkbeard removes his hat.
- You hear one click from below and one click from above.
Do not answer the clicks.