Symptoms of Squid Panic
- You hear wet applause where no hands are present.
- Maps develop extra coastlines.
- Your favorite shirt suddenly needs a warning printed on it.
Survival Checklist
- Stay dry-ish.
- Never trust a calm harbor.
- Keep one emergency sticker pack near the exit.
Squid Fact / Squid Lie
Fact: Squid are excellent at dramatic entrances. Lie: The squid has forgiven us.
How to Identify a Verified Squid Warning
- The tide is moving the wrong way.
- A map updates itself while damp.
- Bloop appears without an appointment.
- Your radio receives a signal from below sea level and above the moon.
- Admiral Inkbeard removes his hat.
- Squidston says, “I found something,” and immediately looks worse.
- Captain Blotbeard loads the cannon before anyone explains why.
- Astrocalamari says, “That signal is not local.”
If three or more signs occur at once, notify the Oceanic Anomalies Division and buy a shirt while there is still time.